MOVED
Sunday, July 31, 2011 @ 1:00 am.
Getset
Friday, July 29, 2011 @ 11:44 pm.
I'm making preparations to move to my new blog. I've scouted for a skin and a name. All I need to do now is figure out how to carry out the actual moving. I'm really not very sure how.
Stand by. First day of FOA today, by the way, which went totally above and beyond my expectations.
INFJ
@ 12:36 am.
creative, smart, focus on fantasy more than reality, attracted to sad things, fears doing the wrong thing, observer, avoidant, fears drawing attention to self, anxious, cautious, somewhat easily frightened, easily offended, private, easily hurt, socially uncomfortable, emotionally moody, does not like to be looked at, fearful, perfectionist, can sabotage self, can be wounded at the core, values solitude, guarded, does not like crowds, organized, second guesses self, more likely to support marijuana legalization, focuses on peoples hidden motives, prone to crying, not competitive, prone to feelings of loneliness, not spontaneous, prone to sadness, longs for a stabilizing relationship, fears rejection in relationships, frequently worried, can feel victimized, prone to intimidation, lower energy, strict with self
"I guess effort ≠ results in a system like this."
Wednesday, July 20, 2011 @ 12:27 am.
- quoted from Carmen.
Damn straight.
Anyway, it's 12:30 and I really should be sleeping (again. This is familiar) but after reading Carmen's post I might as well post a brief (it's so not gonna turn out brief) lowdown on my results. If you think it's gonna get too tl;dr, just read this:
I don't know what to think. Or do.
English saddens me.
Thank God Connor didn't mark it.
I wrote that in my notebook after I got all my results back. Then Rocky opened a packet of those Calbee fries things, Tiziana opened a packet of Honey Dijon, I gave Nitiya a Subway cookie and Brandon started talking about certain somethings that were likened to Reichsmarks. And I drew things all over the whiteboard.
Why am I even posting my results here?
HL1: English, 16/25, Grade 5
Shock. Because this came after all the SLs, mostly. My fate was sealed the moment I saw that sentence on the powerpoint (that's the first time that's happened to me, and it still stings), so I guess I should be grateful for this mark. I am grateful, actually. I didn't cry over it. Achievement, I know. In fact, I was certain I was going to fail this paper as soon as I put down my pen when time was called. God. And people didn't believe me when I said I made gross misinterpretations. Good thing this paper is anonymous, considering who marked it...
Someone told me after that they would kill to get my English mark. But it's different, you know? When you've just had a string of twenties and someone just borrowed your commentaries. I've harboured this constant sense of fear that I was going to slip, just like the last two years, just like the last FOUR years, and guess what, I did. They always say not to peak too early. Why do I always fall when it's actually important?
HL2: History, 61.5%, Grade 6
I'm just so happy I passed this paper. I nearly did fail. My Paper 2 was 21/40, but my Paper 1 was 19/25. So I really don't have much to say about this paper, except that I'm still surprised that I scored what I did and other people I know scored what they did, especially in relation to mine.
An interesting note: when Mr Tan put the Paper 2 paper on my desk he said "Why so bad?", but when he passed me my English paper he didn't say a word.
HL3: Economics, 72%, Grade 6
I got back the Paper 1 first (17/20) and I thought "hey, maybe I'm actually gonna get a 7 for this paper". Then Mr Tan put the Paper 2 on my desk and I was pulled out of my delusions. Well, 6 isn't bad, though.
Econs is turning out to be one of those subjects that I hate but score well in. Like Chem was. I'm still kinda worried that this is my highest-scoring HL. And here my thoughts divert back to English so I should probably just stop. On a bell curve, though, this isn't very impressive. But I find myself not really caring about Econs. That's kinda more scary than anything else.
SL1: Maths, 91.1%, Grade 7
This might actually be the highest I've ever scored for Maths in years. I can't even remember. A. Maths definitely. Maybe not E Maths, but very close. I got a full mark for Section B which is quite surprising. I'm not really going to talk about this since there isn't much to say.
SL2: French ab initio, 88%, Grade 7
When I got the paper back in class ('cos I'm the only one who takes French ab), the entire class was whoa-ing over this grade. Then we went into the LT and went through all the subject stats and all the people in the top 5 got over 90%.
SL3: Biology, 88.3%, Grade 7
Rocky was sitting next to me (index no. shenanigans) so I could compare with him immediately after getting the paper back. I got two marks more than he did for Section A and vice versa for Section B. So when Mr Chua was asking for the percentages and I said "88 and a third" and he said "same" it was actually quite awesome, although more amusing than awesome.
I find myself having less and less to say as I write. I think it's because after the results were given out about 80% of my thoughts were concentrated on English, and most of those thoughts are things I'm not sure I should say here. I don't really know who reads this blog. I should start checking.
I talked to a neighbour for the first time today
Monday, July 18, 2011 @ 11:00 pm.
I need to start blogging again. So here I am.
--
Today as I was walking up the stairs from the HDB void deck to the turnstile gate to my condo, I saw a little Indian boy standing on the top step. For some reason, he scared me. He wasn't just standing there. He wandered, leaning on the rusted green railings, swaying up and down the platform as though he were moving and yet not. As I walked past him he went to the edge of the top step and posed like he was about to go down the steps, but as I waited, he never did.
And so I took out my doorcard and tapped the sensor-thing with it, then pushed the turnstile open a tiny bit so that I could let myself in. But since my bag is about as big as I am I turned around to find the Indian boy squeezing in through the turnstile gate with me. His eyes were sunken, and at the same time, they were huge. Or maybe it was just the eyebags under them.
"Which block do you live in?" I called, softly at first, as he walked away from me.
He turned around in the darkness. "...Here."
"No, I mean which block."
"G."
"Okay," I said, and left.
I don't know why I felt so strange. Or so scared. Or so pissed. Maybe it was because of how silently he did it, that normally people would actually ask if I could open the door for them instead of hanging around the top step like a tentative ghost. Maybe it was because of his face. Maybe it was because he was Indian.
But his voice, when I called out to him, reassured me. And his voice was most certainly Indian.
4:48
Friday, July 08, 2011 @ 7:15 pm.
But you have friends.
You have a lot of friends.
What do you offer your friends to make them so supportive?
What do you offer your friends to make them so supportive?
Thursday, July 07, 2011 @ 9:05 pm.
“I tried not to let the gold and the platinum plaques leer down at me, saying, ‘Can you do it again?’ ” he said. (For real: Record-sales plaques hang all around his house.) “I just tried to do my writing from the same place it came from for my past records.
“Ultimately, there was more pressure, but I think it was positive pressure in a way. I feel like I had more purpose in my writing. At the same time, I was steadfast about being in the same genuine place I was before.”
Dream
Monday, July 04, 2011 @ 1:19 pm.
I had an extremely trippy dream last night. I dreamt that I was at a fair, which was for some reason in a school (it would turn out later that somehow I had enrolled in this school) and near my house at the same time. It was a costume bazaar, so they were selling all these awesome things like shoes (for some reason En Qi was there and we were both trying on shoes) and dresses and things like that (occult-related things were banned, I don't know why). And this fair has appeared in my dreams before (apparently in Far East) so I was thinking, in my head, that I should go here more often rather than travel all the way to Far East. One part of the fair had an arcade game which would kill whoever lost, which kinda gives a reason for the second part of the dream.
Then the dream segued into some kind of school assembly (which included a lot of classmates and ex-classmates like Audrey, Joanna, Tim Lee...), that somehow didn't really have a lot of students in it. So the principal and the deputy (or some teacher) showed up. Neither of them were Asian, I think, and therefore neither were people I know. And it turned out to be this screwed-up school with a screwed-up curriculum (I think if it went any further down this road it would become a school-of-evil type, but that's just lame <_<) and they proceeded to, during the assembly, screw up the students. And people who rebelled against this in some way without getting repressed would be expelled on the spot.
I was one of those who got expelled and when I was chased out of the room people in the hallways started comforting me about it, and I was caught between thinking "what the hell is wrong with you people" and how I was going to tell my mother that I had gotten expelled on the first day. Another person who got expelled was telling me about how appalled his parents were when they heard about the school and were coming to get him. So, like an idiot, INSTEAD of calling my parents, I wandered around the school for a while (it didn't look like any school I'd ever attended, besides maybe the MGS Clementi campus, but probably something from a movie) until for some reason I went back to the room where we had the assembly. The principal, deputy, and my mother were drinking tea and laughing.
Then for some reason I turned into a guy (strictly speaking, the POV character turned into a guy) and the mother turned into a father and both of them/us(?) had teleportation powers - the guy disappeared in a bolt of lightning and the father disappeared in a ball of fire. Don't ask me why. So anyway for some reason the principal told the father to capture the guy so they had this epic teleportation battle (HOW TELEPORTATION = BATTLE I DO NOT KNOW) at the end of which both of them turned into DRAGONS (I don't know WHY) and the father ate the guy. At this point of the dream I could, very disturbingly, taste the dragon. For some reason it had a shell and tasted like crab.
But as it turns out, all of this was a ploy to get his son away from the principal and the evil school because after that he took the boy to a weird tribe (which was previously just a costume showcase at the costume fair earlier) to get healed.
Finally the dream MC switched back to me, and I was wearing the same clothes as the earlier part of the dream and wondering whether people would look at me weird for still walking around the school I was expelled from and wearing the same clothes (for some reason a few days had passed; I assume this has to do with the tribe). Everyone was at the beach. Apparently because it was summer, one HL period (YES THE PHRASE HL PERIOD APPEARED IN MY DREAM) had been declared free. I blinked in disbelief. Joanna said "Before you go, could you help me do something?" and held up an old volume of Madame Bovary. So I picked up the book, flipped it to page 234 as she said, and propped it open. She was probably doing something with her hands at the time but this didn't appear in the dream, because immediately after that, I woke up.
Trippy. Not usable, though, like the last trippy dream I had around this period was.